Izzy Spears| 06.08.18|IG: @Izzy_Spears

For most, Craigslist.com is a place to sell unwanted appliances, find an odd job or even a place to rent. For some, Craigslist is a judgment free sanctuary. Attorney turned writer, Helena Bala, has been using Craigslist to meet complete strangers, have coffee and listen to their deepest, darkest secrets. Bala started meeting with strangers in 2014. Her passion for helping people was sparked when she sat down to talk with a homeless man. Before Bala knew it, she was posting adds on Craigslist to chat with strangers over coffee. Hence, the creation of Craigslist Confessional.

Craigslist Confessional  is a collection of the true stories shared with Bala. In the ‘About’ section, Bala describes an encounter with Max.

“When I first met you, I was reeling from my wife’s death,” [Max] said. “I had seen therapists and gone to all sorts of meetings, but something was different about talking to you. I think it’s because with others, I worked with my head. But with you, I worked with my heart.”

The above excerpt is proof that simply talking to someone can cure the heaviest of hearts.  In the closing paragraph of the ‘About’ section on Craigslist Confessional Bala wrote, “[I wish ]I could thank [the homeless man] for listening to me when I needed it the most. The unexpected kindness he showed me made all the difference.” Her compelling statement is a testament to the power of kindness.  Just image if we all expressed a bit more compassion on a daily basis, how much better would the world be?

The below story was written by Bala. It can be viewed by clicking here.

“My marriage is almost happy, but passionless. Should I leave him?”

Rose, 30s

I’ve been married for over ten years. My husband and I get along well—we both love and take care of our children—and he respects me and loves me. He is a great partner. Still, I feel as if we are nothing more than best friends. Our marriage is an almost-happy one, but it is completely passionless. Lately, I’ve been seriously considering leaving him.

When our children were born, I decided to co-sleep. The bed just wasn’t big enough for all of us, so my husband moved into the guest room. Even after the kids started sleeping in their own beds, we decided to keep the arrangement. Of course, that makes physical intimacy really rare. We kiss and touch throughout the day, but sex barely happens. We’ve stopped saying “I love you,” which I think is telling. We used to say it to one another all the time.

We’ve talked about what’s happening between us but any changes we make last a couple of weeks, and then we’re back to our old routines. He goes to work; I go to work. We come home; we feed the kids. We put them to bed. We put on the TV. He falls asleep 20 minutes into the program. I go to bed. He goes to the guestroom. We repeat. I’ve felt so isolated and lonely for a few years now—just like my life is on autopilot and things are good enough, but there’s just no excitement.

There’s also something else: lately, I have been obsessing about “the one who got away.” I dated someone in college and we were deeply in love. He dumped me out of the blue, and then, years later, reached out to me—just as out of the blue—and told me that it was his biggest regret and that he was still in love with me. I had just gotten married to my husband. I knew, even when I married him, that this was not that passionate, earth-shattering love. I knew he was the convenient, safe choice. He was the guy you marry when you don’t want to lose sleep about getting cheated on, or about finances and retirement. He’s steady. Dependable.

I knew that my husband was not my soul mate when I married him, but I thought I loved him enough to get us by. Now that so many years have gone by, I have grown as a person, and I realize that maybe it’s not enough. Maybe I do need much more than this. And my ex makes this so obvious—my memories of us are so exciting. He recently divorced too, and we’re connected on social media. I can’t help but think that maybe we could rekindle what we once had.

This is all so unfair to my husband. He has done nothing wrong. I just feel like I’ve already given up on us. I’m obsessed with what I think I’m missing. Whenever I think about things not working out between us, my ex pops to my mind. Am I considering this separation because of him? Or is he just the kick I’ve needed all these years?

Ultimately, I fear that I’ll make a terrible mistake and look for what’s missing in our marriage elsewhere. My husband and I are both byproducts of divorced parents and we know how terrible things can be—especially for the kids—when so much acrimony clouds a parental relationship. Maybe leaving now, before things get bad, is the best thing to do.

Read more Craigslist Confessionals here. To share your story with Helena, email her at craigslistconfessionalqz@gmail.com.