It’s that icy-cold time of year again, and if you’re looking to freeze those fingers off while sporting last decade’s disasters, you’ve come to the right place. We’re here to give you the ultimate guide on how to look like you’re completely unaware it’s winter, and trust us, it’s not as easy as it looks! So, if you’ve always dreamt of chattering teeth and frostbitten toes, keep reading dive into How NOT to Look Stylish and Feel Warm This Winter!
Who Needs Gloves, Anyway?
Oh, did you think gloves were essential for winter? How silly! Why keep your fingers toasty when you can lose all feeling in them instead? High-quality womens gloves might be great for those people who love feeling warm and comfy in winter, but not for you! Anyway, even if your fingers do freeze, you’ll be able to text your friends with more ease!
Skimpy Scarves for the Win!
Choose the thinnest, shortest scarf you can find if cold and unfashionable is what you are going for in your own personal style stakes this winter. Bonus points if it’s woven with holes big enough for an Arctic breeze to saunter right through. You’re aiming for the look that screams: “I thought this was a decorative belt!”
Wear Those Sandals with Pride
Who said sandals are just for the beach? Pair them with your wooly socks (or don’t, if you’re feeling extra daring) for that “I forgot how seasons work” look. Cold toes are just nature’s way of telling you you’re alive! Plus, who doesn’t think the whole big thick socks with sandals look is one of the most fashionable you can possibly rock at any time of the year?
Wear All Your Jackets at Once
Instead of investing in one of those cute and oh-so-fashionable down jackets that everyone else is sure to be wearing this winter, why don’t you just layer up by wearing every single jacket you own. I mean, if each jacket is stylish in its own right, imagine how iconic you’ll look when you wear them all at once, right?
Umbrellas: The Ideal Snow Repellent
Avoid warm, cozy hats and instead carry a giant umbrella everywhere to shield yourself from the snow. Sure, it may turn inside out from the winter winds, but you’ll look… unique, and who doesn’t want their look to be unique, am I right?
Cotton Leggings for Snowy Adventures
Spandex and jeans are overrated. For the truly cold experience, go for thin cotton leggings. Perfect for making every chilly gust feel like a personal attack from Mother Nature.
Insist on Short Sleeves
Long sleeves are basically straitjackets in disguise. Free those arms! Let them embrace the cold and turn a shade of red that perfectly matches your holiday decor. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time and hard wok in the gym perfecting those arms, so why not make sure everyone knows about it!
Deny the Existence of Thermal Wear
Thermal who? Nah, sounds made up. Instead, stick to your summer tees. They’re airy, light, and perfect for hypothermia enthusiasts. No need to focus on fibers and base layers that will actually keep you warm now, is there?
Overestimate the Power of “Mind Over Matter”
Who needs proper winter gear when you’ve got sheer willpower? If you believe you’re warm, then surely you won’t freeze, right? Right? So, there’s no need to burden your wardrobe with winter warmers like thermal tights or fleece-lined leggings when you can just brave it out.
The Wet Hair Look
Forget the blow dryer. Go for the ‘just-showered’ look. Venture outside with dripping hair, and you’ll not only feel the cold but might even sport some spontaneous icicles for added flair.
Plastic Bags as Snow Boots
Why invest in snow boots when you can wrap your feet in plastic bags? Waterproof? Check. Stylish? Debatable. But you’ll be the talk of the town, and that’s what matters.
As you can see, there’s an art to mastering the unprepared winter look, and with this guide, you’re well on your way to becoming a true winter fashion tragedy. So, next time someone says, “Aren’t you cold?”, just flash them a frozen smile and remember: being cold is temporary, but the legend of your winter fashion disasters will live on forever.
(And, on a more serious note, do bundle up and stay warm. We’re just having a bit of frosty fun here and no one actually wants to be cold and unstylish in winter right?)
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